The other day I took one of those social media quizzes that told me my word for the new year would be “truth.” This makes perfect sense to me as I am in the midst of rewriting my testimony book, which is about true stories of God working within my life.
I struggle in my faith. I don’t doubt God (usually), but I have much conflict about staying in relationship with Him and doing things in His name. I know, I know, I’m human. That’s just it, though. I am human. I am of the earth, weak, imperfect and make lots of mistakes.
The other side of that coin is that because I am human, I have the capability of having an awesome, and I mean awesome, relationship with the Holy One. And sometimes I do. I have moments when Spirit takes me over and I cry and tingle and am so very grateful.
But… then there is the rest of the time. I want to watch movies, read books and go do activities that have nothing to do with God – and even may go in the opposite direction sometimes. GOT ring any bells?
Part of living this crazy existence is that we are able to see the beauty and unimaginable creations produced by different humans. No other species can come anywhere close to the creative dominion that man bears. Paintings, architecture, literature in rhythm and rhyme and sculpture all hold their place, but nowadays, in this digital age, creativity and beauty are oftentimes better than real life. Movies and animation, digital comics, photo shopping technology and audio equipment provide experiences that we could not mimic in nature.
The above does not even include the endless information at our fingertips. Means to improve every aspect of our earthy lives can be found: paths to happiness, ease of cleaning, any type of clothing, transportation and food, access to devices that contain and provide our daily activities, music, access to books containing other worlds, and much much more.
So then… Why are we still so unhappy as a species? We do we suffer from disease and depression? Why do we try to fill that gaping hole inside with other things… things not of God?
I don’t know. I wish I did. Will power isn’t always enough to keep me in line as to how I think I should be with God.
It’s a very good thing that He just loves me so much in spite of my shortcomings. It’s lovely and amazing that I am redeemed because of Him. And truthfully, it feels good in those moments when I do connect with Him – it feels better than anything else really. It feels like home.
My truth is that I fail. But I keep trying even though I don’t have to do good works for redemption, because I love Him. And because He loves me.